What We Can Learn from a Drunk Monkey

 

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Mr. Biz Radio: What We Can Learn from a Drunk Monkey


Unedited transcription of the show is included below:

Welcome to Mr. Biz Radio BizTalk for biz owners during the next half hour, Mr. Biz, Ken Wentworth, a leading business advisor, and two time bestselling author we'll cover topics. That'll help business owners run their companies more profitably and more efficiently. If you're ready to stop faking the funk and take your business onward and upward, this show is for you. And now here's Mr. Biz, Ken Wentworth.

All right. Welcome to another episode of Mr. Biz Radio, with me, Mr. Biz, Ken Wentworth. And this week we're going to talk, tackle a subject. I'll be honest with you that I have struggled with at different points in my entrepreneurial career. So and I know I've spoken with other fellow entrepreneurs, business owners, et cetera, and and it's been consistent. And so this week we're going to talk about things like, you know, having goals that you just never seem to accomplish. What what's behind that, why do you procrastinate certain goals, even goals that are super important to you? Why does it happen? And so w what I did was I went out and found someone who is an absolute expert in, in this type of area. So this week we're going to talk with Matthew Ferry, who was a spiritual teacher, best-selling author, songwriter, and producer.

Guys got a lot of hats. He's divided advisor to ultra successful folks he's a songwriter and music producer, sorry, I'm getting tongue tied there. For the last 26 years, he has coached thousands of top performers to achieve what he calls enlightened prosperity. Now, that sounds pretty good to me. I don't know about you guys. So we're going to talk more about that with him. He's the author of quiet mind, Epic life, which is an Amazon self-help and spirituality bestseller in the U S Canada, Australia in Japan. And he's coming to us from, I assume, cause it always is sunny Southern California. So without further ado, welcome to the show, Matthew. Well, thank you,

You so much cannon. And I wish that I could report that it was always sunny. I'm actually up in, at our mountain house now, and it's a nice and, and blustery and cold.

Okay. All right. Well, we actually have sun here in central Ohio and at this time of year having sun in central Ohio is I don't want to say it's rare, but it's, it's, it's a very welcome sight. I'll say it's a big, it's a big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, speaking of being enlightened gosh, you just do the difference. It makes, I mean, I know just the, you know, I went outside with the dog a little bit ago and was, you know, soaking in some vitamin D there because it's so nice out and it just makes it just, you know, mood lifting you know, absolutely changes my mindset and all that kind of stuff. So I try to get outside whenever I can sneak out in between here and there. So, so Matthew, why don't we get started? Tell us a little bit about your, your entrepreneurial journey. What's what's led you to be where you're at now. I think

For me, I was confronted by an impossible problem when I was nine years old. The, and the problem was how do you maintain peace, joy, and flow in a world that is filled with conflict, anger, and strife. And I was having these profound experiences. I felt like I was floating above my body. The piece was ridiculous. It was absolute, and it didn't last. I would get back into my body and suddenly I was in this stress filled you know, anxiety state. And so I've spent my life creating a system to stay in that piece, no matter how chaotic the world gets. In fact, for the last 26 years, I've worked in various different kinds of coaching and consulting processes. I've coached thousands of top performers to achieve what I call enlightened prosperity. It's essentially, how do you stay in that state where you know that all as well and you're kicking and doing well, how do you, how do you, how do you balance those two things? And today I can help anyone feel a profound state of peace using my street, tested methodology called the rapid alignment process and, and all of my businesses sort of center around the ideas of living a peaceful life, but doing it well and living a great life.

Yeah. And I think that's fantastic. And I think it's something that, you know, I know our listeners are going to love because, you know, as we talk about it all the time on the show, it's just inevitable that the entrepreneurial journey is it has inevitable ups and downs, you know, bumps in the road curve balls thrown at you. So, you know, again, as I mentioned, I've struggled with it. Sometimes my son, I shouldn't say struggle, but I've, I've had that challenge myself and I, I consider myself to be a pretty strong mental mentally, you know, person and being able to snap out of those things. And I have been, I've been successful in doing that, but, but boy, I'll tell you that for, for me, it was an eye opener and even talking with some of the folks that I meant, it just seems to be a very common that throughout the years, Matthew

Unfortunately you cut out on those last two things. So I think what you're asking is, is it, is it pretty common for the entrepreneur to go up and down and all around and experience those stressful anxiety straight States followed by incredible highs and, Oh my God, it's working and this is so exciting. And I think the answer is yes. And I don't think that that goes away when you, when you develop your quiet mind, because when you have a quiet mind, you're in the present moment, and that means that you are free from the stress, the worry, the concern. And that's a big deal because according to the American Institute of stress, 73% of Americans say that they deal with psychological stress on a regular basis. And let's be honest with this pandemic and, and the financial crisis and the, the you know, the Liberty crisis and on and on and on, you know, it, it's been creating a lot of stress for people and you end up making bad decisions. You don't think clearly, and you're easy to be around. And your creativity is demand diminished and your energy zapped. So learning to quiet your mind to smooth some of that out is extremely valuable.

No, absolutely. Yeah. And I, and I get that. I mean, I, you know, that's one of the things that, you know, stress and, and curve balls in life are going to be consistent regardless of how successful you are, how well you plan things like that, as you mentioned, and what I would say, Matthew, being a numbers guy, especially, you know, 73% of people say they regularly experienced that. I would say that sounds to me almost like 27% of people may, maybe are being a little bit untruthful,

Right. Especially these days, right? Yeah.

You know, the last year or so with the pandemic. Holy cow. I mean, you know, and I, I'm sure you're, well, what's more in tune to this than I am, but I've seen the articles about, you know, the, the impact that it's had, forget the financial impact for a second, and just think of the mental health impact that's had on people of all ages. I mean, kids, you know, we've got three girls and the kids having to do virtual learning and not being able to see their friends. And the socialization goes along with that. You know, th the toll it's taken on mental health, I mean, it's just tremendous.

Unfortunately, we spend a lot of time teaching people how to do well in, in terms of their success in life. But we don't teach them how to be well. And so our children of course, are, are experiencing the volatility and the uncertainty that this virus has created. And unless we, the parents have done our own homework to understand how to be at peace inside of the chaos of the world is very difficult to teach them.

Yes. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Well, speaking of that, a decent segue too, into you know, with the financial situation we've got going on, you know, we talk about it all the time on the show, but you know, if you got, if the listeners out there, if you lack the cashflow, you need to expand your business, but maybe you don't meet the qualifications of a traditional bank loan. You should consider invoice financing with Porter Capital. They can help you get the working capital you need when you need it. You can visit a really good team there. Visit PorterCap.com/MrBiz . And you can get on the phone with them or apply for a free quote today. So for those authors, struggling with cash flow issues, that is definitely an option out there to another quiver in your Arabs era arrows in your quiver, Jesus getting all tongue tied today.

So again, this week we're talking with Matthew Ferry and the third segment he's going to walk us through. He mentioned it, and he alluded to a little bit, we're going to walk through, and he's gonna tell us a little bit about his rapid enlightenment process. So we can achieve profound States of happiness and success in life. And you could find out more about what Matthews his programs and what he has going on his books, et cetera. At MatthewFerry.com. That's MatthewFerry.com. We're going to hit a break here, and we're gonna come back to the Mr. Biz tip of the week. And we'll continue talking with this week's guest Matthew Ferry

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I have a quote from a former guest and a friend of the show, Mr. Brandon Dawson, if you guys remember he's a scaling expert, super successful guy. And I love this quote by him. He says, what you think is what you say, what you say is what you do and what you do becomes your legacy. Take them take a minute to digest that a little bit. It's a, it's one of those. It takes a second to kind of go through each line and figure it out, but a very moving quote there. I really like it and appreciate Brandon being on the show in the past. But this week, as I mentioned before, we're talking with Mr. Matthew Ferry, you can find out more at matthewferry.com. And so let's, let's dig into this a little bit, Matthew. So what are some of the hidden causes behind having, you know, failing at goals and things like that?

That's a great question. You know, traditional goal setting is based on a survival response. If you really get honest about your goals, you've, you've set these goals in the past because they assume that something needs to change in order for you to be better for you to live better, to have a better life, to feel better. In other words, the goals that we said, assume that your life is not perfect exactly as it is no change necessary, but you can't thrive using survival tactics. That's like getting angry at people who aren't happy, anger won't create happiness. So if you don't learn how to hold the context, that all is well in your life, and then build your goals

On top of that assumption that nothing actually needs to change. I just want it to change. I just I'd like to, I'm inspired. It's interesting. If you don't learn to hold that context, that all as well, then every single goal you set will be experienced as what I call the treadmill from hell. You literally set some version of the same goal over and over and over and over and over lose weight, make more money, save money, start to invest for the future. Better relationships, change your career. That traditional goal setting process, when it is designed to fix something, creates a never ending loop of pretty happy, but still unsatisfied with how things are the key is to become satisfied and then set your goals from there.

Interesting. Yeah, no, that, that's very interesting. I've heard I'm trying to think who it was talked about it and he, one of his sort of axioms around people not setting or not achieving goals a little bit of a tangent on what you're talking about, but he talks about that people set goals, they don't set them big enough. And he said, what happens in his mind is that you, the goal isn't big enough. So in your mind, as you start to visualize what your life would be like, once you accomplish that goal, it's not altering enough. It doesn't, it doesn't it's not a big enough goal. It doesn't make your life measurably better, not enough to make you stay focused and, and, you know, achieve those goals. So I think it's an interesting, kind of a diversion between those two, you know, what are some of the reasons for that? Why, why do people procrastinate again? I know I've got, I've had this happen with me, you know even some important goals that I have for whatever reason I procrastinate them. And I don't, I, you know, I don't give them the attention they need.

I find that most of the time when we're procrastinating, there is some underlying agenda or opposing intention that we haven't distinguished. And it usually is some kind of survival thing. I'll give you an example of a client that I have right now. She's an incredibly powerful woman and she's been an entrepreneur and business owner for, for most of her life. She's probably 40 something at this moment. And she's stuck. She's making a transition from a service-based business to a passive based business. And in this process, she's finding herself hiccuping and stopping and, and and not following through. And ultimately what we discovered when we discerned using the rapid enlightenment process is that underneath she had an opposing intention on one side, she wanted to prove that women are powerful and that they deserve to be successful. They deserve a seat at the table.

On the other side, she was experiencing this need of like, why am I not being taken care of by my man? And how come I to make all this money? And those two things were literally ripping her apart and causing her to malfunction and not move forward. Now men have similar things. We all have these opposing intentions. And unless you're able to get your mind to get to go quiet, you're not going to take the time. You won't be able to see it. It's just like you're running, running, running, running, running, running, I've got to fix this. That's broken. I need to take care of this. And, and we're distracted. We're distracted by routine matters. We're distracted by our, our urgent matters. We're distracted by fixing things, but ultimately to get connected to our true intentions, we've got to learn to get the mind to quiet down.

Would you say Matthew, that's the most common PR I guess problem that you fix with clients?

Most common problem that I've fixed with clients is the, is the recontextualization that there's anything broken at all? It is. It is the recognition that all is well enlightenment. For example, enlightenment is the recognition that the source of life for you as the source of life for everyone and everything that we're all essentially just one thing. There's these there's these base elements that are self-assembling into everything that we are, therefore, nothing that you see or experience is imperfect imperfectness itself is a, a, a method of survival. The only problem is can, we're not trying to survive before entrepreneurs and business owners. We're not trying to survive. We're trying to create something, trying to make something, try to try and to, to take things to the next level to improve. We are as entrepreneurs, evolution evolving, there's nothing to fix. So applying the survival methodology to your situation actually causes you to malfunction.

Well, it leads me into my next question. This will be interesting. I'm going to be very curious to hear your perspective. How do you define success? I would say for me personally, yeah,

Success is the recognition that all is well. And the prevailing state of peace that follows that, which then leads me to a, a natural inspiration creativity, resourcefulness chutzpah. The success that I am, am constantly bringing myself back to is a free state free from concern, worry, doubt, fear, uncertainty, and Ken, by no means, should you listen to me like I'm a hundred percent there that's that that's inaccurate. I'm like you I'm in life doing it. And when you're in life doing it, there's all kinds of conflict. But the success that, that I work with my clients to achieve is the recognition that all is well, there's nothing that you need to do everything you say you need to do. You want to do, but the moment you need to do it, you inaccurately assessed the situation like it's important or it's valuable. And it's not

Interesting. That's very interesting, man. I'm telling you, you're opening my eyes to a lot of things here. I'm sure guys out there go out to MatthewFerry.com, learn more about the different things and how Matthew May be able to help you the different programs. He has his books, et cetera. And speaking of being concerned and having stress, are you tired of waiting 60 plus days for customers to pay invoices? If so, invoice financing through Porter Capital can provide cash flow help in as little as 24 hours to get the working capital you need when you need it. Visit PorterCap.com/MrBiz  to apply for a free quote today. All right, come back after the break, we're going to talk about the rapid enlightenment process.

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Now once again, here's Mr. Biz. All right, well,

Welcome back to the show. We're talking this week again with Matthew Ferry at Matt, you can find, learn more at matthewferry.com. And so I'll tell you I've been waiting the whole entire show. Not that the first two segments haven't been fantastic, but they've even whetted my appetite even more for what we're going to talk about in this last segment. And that is Matthew has a rapid enlightenment process. So when you find yourself in this, you know, this gobbledygook that we've been talking about, how do you get to that free state? How do you get to where you can, you know, have profound States of happiness and success? So Matthew walk us through you know, we, I know you could probably talk about this for days. W unfortunately only have about eight minutes left, but walk us through your your rapid enlightenment process.

Well, I want to start with this idea and I cut my teeth on top performers, people who were making six, seven, eight figures a year, and here they were succeeding and achieving. And yet they were still stressed, angry, upset, volatile, miserable, lonely, et cetera. There they were, they had eight figures coming in and they felt like, well, someday, I'm going to finally achieve success. And of course that's completely preposterous and irrational. And yet it's extremely common. The rapid enlightenment process is a proven four-step process to get your mind to quiet down so that you stop being so worried and stressed out. And you can focus on taking action on the things that really matter to you and doing it in a way that is peaceful and flowing. So there turns out there's four steps. Now know I've been working on this Ken for 26 years now.

And the first part of my process was recognizing my mind is not my friend. I started to realize there's this insane thing just constantly antagonizing me, judging me, telling me about how things are going to go wrong. And ultimately I named that the drunk monkey and that drunk monkey is just all of the negative chatter in your head, but by naming it, you make it easier to disassociate from it. So that's step one. Step two is to recognize that the drunk monkey has a motivation. Cause I worked for years on getting the drunk monkey to shut up and I couldn't do it. I would get it to quiet down and then it would come back again. And I realized there was some underlying motivation that was spring the mind on to talk. And it turns out that that drunk monkey in your head is just a survival system.

It's like a GPS on your phone, except it only has one outcome stay alive. And it thinks that it needs to constantly move you away from pain and move you towards pleasure. And there are motivations that it has. And when you identify the motivations, suddenly you let them go. So I call these hidden motives to survive greed, grudge, hatred, victim, illogical rules, humble traitor, victim pride and lazy. When any of those things are present, your mind talks. So that's step two. Those are both awareness. Then you go to the third step, which is an active process. And that is to practice what I call enlightened perspectives. I became fascinated in 1999 with a, a man named Dr. David Hawkins. He did he did some work to understand the relationship between your physiology and your, you use something called applied kinesiology, more commonly known as muscle testing.

And it turns out that there are certain words or phrases or context or perspectives that are very strengthening to a person's physiology, their body. Whereas there's other words and phrases and ideas that are weakening to you. So when you start to connect with these enlightened perspectives statements that fundamentally strengthen you and assume that all as well in life, everything changes your, your mind quiets down because you're in a safe place. So that's number three, that's chapter nine in my book, quiet mind, Epic life is a series of enlightened perspectives that you can practice and adopt. And then step four is to actually do that on purpose with everything in your life. It's called recontextualization. And this is the skill of shifting your perspective from a survival based framework that creates stress to an enlightened based framework, which creates peace. So there are two awareness processes, and then there are two active processes. And when you're combining those four things on your entrepreneurial journey, your skills, your resources, your creativity, your personal power, your ability to communicate and connect with people is exponentially enhanced because you're not freaking out and diminishing yourself with your own negativity.

Very, again, I sound like a broken record here, but this is absolutely. This is fascinating to me because as you're talking, I'm scribbling notes, feverously you know, my drunk monkey visits me often. I'm S I guess not happy to say, and I think it, and maybe you could shed some light on this and is it because do you find that people you work with the clients, et cetera, and yet you've worked with over the last 26 years? Is it people that are more ambitious or ha you know, generally higher achievers that maybe have a louder drunk monkey or a more omnipresent drunk monkey? Because I find that, you know, I think with myself, at least I have, I have very high standards for myself way I carry myself in my business the way I tackle everything in life as a husband, as a father, as a son, as a brother, et cetera. And so I have very high standards for myself. And it seems as you were talking, I'm thinking, I wonder if that's part of the reason that my drunk monkey is drunk so often

Loves drinking. I D I can't, I don't. So I'll, I'll say it in this way. I've spent a lot of time with people who aren't success driven and they're drunk. Monkeys are just as loud. It's just that the success driven person like yourself and myself or my clients on wall street, I do a tremendous amount of work on wall street. And in real estate investing and real estate sales professionals, w these, these driven individuals, I think, are more disturbed by their drunk monkey, because it's so apparent in your objective orientation, or it's like, I am going after this objective. And then here comes the drunk monkey swinging out of the jungle, distracting me, telling me I'm wrong. Tell me that isn't going to work. That person is stupid. Why don't they believe me? Right. All of those things, they, it becomes very contrasting. It's like, I'm trying to do this. And then I have this thing in my head, which is blocking me. And so for me, that was part of what was happening. Like, how did I stumble upon this idea? Well, it, it was the constant nagging. It's like, I'm trying to get this thing done, and I'm getting distracted by this thing in my head. And, and I started to call it the drunk monkey that really, really helped.

Yeah, no, well, that'll stick in my head and I'll, I'll probably argue with my drunk monkey probably even later today. Okay.

I would, I would highly recommend it. I would also pet your head all drunk monkey. I know you're so scared.

Oh, my, my wife and kids will think I'm even crazier than they think I am now.

If you're an entrepreneur, you're crazy. It's not a viable.

Yeah. That's, that's probably true. That's probably true. Yeah. We, we sign up for this journey. W look, Matthew, how can people learn more about other than going to your website? How can people learn more about what you do and how you can help folks

Awesome, free app that they can download that will take them through a bunch of different processes and help them to get their mind to quiet down. So if they just search my name on the app store, Matthew Ferry, M a T T H E w F E R R Y. They'll find my app and they'll find all kinds of goodies to help them to get their mind to quiet down.

Well, I'll tell you, I know no kidding whatsoever. I will definitely download that app because I need to, I really feel like often that my drunk monkey does hold me back. Because I'm, you know, constantly, I guess, you know, as you mentioned, kind of judging myself and getting upset with myself when I fall short or things like that. So I think this was this show. I'll tell you, I've, I've taken a lot from it. I really appreciate you coming on Matthew. Anything else parting words for us,

For everyone today,

Would you just practice total and complete acceptance of all situations, all people including yourself and just see what happens when you just accept the situation as it is, love it. Love it. And yes, I will do that.

I will do that. Well.

We've been talking to this week with Matthew Ferry. You can check out more MatthewFerry.com , check out his book, quiet mind, Epic life. Thanks for listening. Thanks for our show. Sponsor Porter Capital. Have a great week, and don't forget as always, Cash flow is King.

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