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Mr. Biz Radio: How to Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace

Unedited transcription of the show is included below:

(00:04):

Welcome to Mr. Biz radio, Biz. Talk for Biz owners. If you're ready to stop faking the funk and take your business onward and upward, this show is for you. And now here's Mr. Biz, Ken Wentworth.

(00:19):

All right, welcome to another episode of Mr. Biz Radio with me, Mr. Biz Ken Wentworth. And we are gonna hit on something today that I don't care if you're an entrepreneur, you're a business owner, you're in the corporate world, you're a stay-at-home mom or dad you're an elementary school. This fits everything, right? We're gonna talk today about how to get along with anyone, any place, anytime, anywhere, anything. Right? Super, super important. And of course, as always, we don't just bring anyone on the show. So our guest this week is Dr. Vicki Matthews. She's a naturopathic position and relationship coach. Been a guest on Oprah's show twice, a relationship expert for Fox Business, and has been featured in radio, podcast, and print. She's also the author of the award-winning new book, "The Five Elements of Relationships, How to Get Along With Anyone, Anytime, any Place." Dr. Matthews, welcome to Mr. Biz Radio.

(01:19):

Thank You. It's great to be here.

(01:21):

Yeah. So you know, I, I'd mentioned this before we even got started, she is a trooper, so we had some challenges, technical challenges, and we lost power in the building. And all this sudden we had to flip around. She was super flexible and really thankful for her being flexible that we can get her on. But Dr. Matthews, let's start with, before we get into all this, because again, I selfishly I can't wait to talk about this because again, this is so important. Tell us a little bit about your, your entrepreneurial journey, your journey of, of how you got to where you're, what you're doing now.

(01:50):

Okay. So I am my background is in psychology. Actually. My, that's my degree was in psychology. And I really liked the whole idea of the mind body connection. And I really took passion in that. So I thought, okay, how, how do I work that in? And also, I'm kind of in, I grew up in California, so I'm kind of like a natural, do it more naturally. So what the pivot point for me was when my husband got sick and a regular doctor gave him drugs and they said, these will, this will help clear up the problem, but oh, it might destroy his liver. And I'm like, okay, no, we're not gonna go through that. Right? And so I stepped in and said, I'm gonna, I, I had originally been a pre-med student and had, had decided I wasn't a traditional medical doctor, so I went back to school and became a naturopathic physician so that I could help heal people.

(02:38):

I could help people live healthily and also do it in a way that's not going to damage their liver or something else. So that was, that was great. And one of the things that I ended up specializing in is cancer and helping people to heal from cancer include mind, body, spirit, all that type of thing. And when I talked about emotional issues with people, it was always their relationships. Relationships were the number one reason, their emotions, they were distraught or upset or unhappy more so than their cancer. So I had had some some experience with the five element model from Chinese medicine as part of my naturopathic training. And it's, I don't know how many of your audience members are familiar with it, but it's the five basic elements of wood, water, fire, earth, and metal. And the sages used it to explain sequences and phases, and I saw personalities in that. Mm-Hmm. So as I started ascribing personalities to people, I could help people understand each other and themselves. And that really helped, that really, really helped. And so that's kind of it, that's where, how I ended up where I am is kind of taking what life handed me and, and doing something with it.

(03:47):

Well, I think it's, you know, we, we have guests on all the time that talk about their journeys. And it's, gosh, I gotta tell you Dr. Matthews, it's, it's so often there's a pivot point in there that is life slash passion related mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, right? Yes. And it sounds like that definitely is what happened with you.

(04:07):

It was, and it, I don't think anybody goes into any kind of medical field without caring about people and wanting to make a positive difference. And so, if I'm gonna help people heal all of their body and their emotions and, and even maybe some spirit stuff, you've gotta be able to offer them something. And that was, other than go see a marriage counselor, and I'm not, I'm not knocking marriage counselors, but I do think there's a, there's a, there are ways to balance the emotional field and, and especially relationships. I mean, it just kept coming back again and again to relationships. So that was, that was my passion. And I do a lot of work with people now on what's working with their relationships and what isn't, so that it helps them stay emotionally stable, which helps 'em be physically healthy.

(04:56):

Yeah, for sure. I, I had a very close family member that just recently went through a leukemia battle. He's, he's all good now, but awesome. You know, I saw some of that, you know, from the periphery at least. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative> y you know, the, the relationship aspect of it that I had never even considered. I had, I mean, I've had people in my family that have, have battled cancer before, but no one that close to me and no one that I was, that I guess involved with their treatment mm-hmm. <Affirmative>. and seeing the impact in talking to people that are even closer in the circle than me, without giving away too much. Mm-Hmm. For those that know the family and without trying to keep a little bit of, of privacy, but having different members of the family reach out to me and say, gosh, this is this and this.

(05:40):

And then having the, the person who's going through the, the chemo of, of reaching out and saying, mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, this family member said this and this, you know, the challenges around that. And then of course, the emotions. Yes. You know, yes. Some, some person you pass on the street that maybe says something crossed to you, maybe it doesn't have that much of an impact, cuz you don't know that person that might make you mad from, you know, 10 seconds or something. Right. But Right. When you're dealing with, you know, close relationships, I could see where that would absolutely be a close tie in

(06:08):

It. It is. And, and if you are, just think about what's, what's it like when you've had a fight with someone that's close to you or that matters to you, or that you're dependent on in your life. It just throws everything out and you can't heal a physical body if there's emotional turmoil. You just really can't. So, and, and like I said, every time that I would be talking to one of my patients about, you know, things going on in their life, the emotional turmoil frequently went back to a relationship, whether it was a mom having trouble with her daughter because her daughter didn't wanna do something she wanted her to do, or a dad that didn't understand something about his his son, or why his son wasn't a little mini me or something. It's that those kinds of, of aspects of relationship are huge and we don't even realize it because we're focused on the relationship.

(06:52):

Yeah. And I, I could see that for a hundred percent. I told you off air that, you know, our, our oldest daughter that we affectionately call junior Biz <laugh> she literally, I'm not kidding, just literally last night decided she's been contemplating this for a while, decided she wants to go down this MD path that you've gone down Yes. And you so graciously offered, which I'll probably take you up on and have her give you a, give you a call and, and talk through some of that. But mm-hmm. <Affirmative> I, I'm very intrigued by this whole aspect of it. Again, as she's been going through that journey and figuring out what she wants to do next after her undergrad degree mm-hmm. <Affirmative> and pursue, I've gotten into a lot of this stuff, just having conversations with her. So it's, it's very intriguing to me. And the connection between those things and, and the fact that you have a, some somewhat of a focus on the relationship side of things too is very intriguing to me.

(07:41):

And, and I think it's important, and I'm not saying that traditional medical doctors don't pay attention to relationships, but I think at a nat, when you're trying to work with every natural aspect that you can, it's impossible to not take the context that the person is living in. You have to take that into account. You know, are they in happy relationships? Do they have trouble with their kids? Is are, are the relationships at work? I mean, that's another whole arena. And helping people, giving people tools to understand themselves and the people in their lives makes for better relationships. And so that was, that was kind of how I ended up down the path of trying to find ways to help people better understand each other. Because once we understand things, we usually can work them out.

(08:21):

Yeah. I think it makes a huge difference. And it's so often I found in my life and my career of, of being able to put yourself in the other person's shoes. And again, I'm o way oversimplifying that, but I think that's one of the things that's missing so often, that people only think of things from their vantage point and don't consider the other person's vantage point. And that's where miscommunication happens. That's where, you know, heart feelings because things are said and all that stuff. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>,

(08:47):

I've got fascinating. Should be fascinating. Great examples for you on that too. Yeah. In

(08:51):

My practice, I've looking very much forward to it. Again, I've got so many questions. We gotta gotta hit a break here. Again, we're talking with Dr. Vicki Matthews. We'll talk more with her in the second segment about how she can help us.

(09:05):

If you would like to reach hundreds of thousands of business owners every week, Mr. Biz radio can help . Our show airs globally seven days a week for more than 25 hours across several internet radio stations, plus 20 plus podcast platforms. Also video exposure on the new exclusive Mr. Biz network streaming channel, which gets blasted to 100 plus streaming platforms and the Mr. Biz YouTube channel and our 350,000 social media followers multiple times every week. Join Mr. Biz nation as an advertiser by emailing us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

(09:44):

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(10:13):

Got a question for Mr. Biz. You want answered on air, email it to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Now once again, here's Mr. Biz.

(10:25):

All right, welcome back to the show. It is time for the Mr. Biz tip of the week, and this week's tip is actually a quote from a pretty successful entrepreneur guy. Some of you may have heard of him. Ed Mylet is his name. And I just love this. I heard him say this, and he's probably said it a long time ago, but I just recently heard him say this, so I wanted to add it in to our tips. And it makes so much sense if you think about it. At least to me it did. And he says, "Build self-confidence by keeping promises you make to yourself. And his whole concept around this is you erode your own confidence and self-esteem when you promise yourself that you're going to lose 10 pounds and you stick with it for three days, and then you're eating chocolate cake or, or whatever it might be.

(11:08):

Or I'm gonna run a 5K and you run for three days and you go, this like stinks. I'm not gonna do it anymore. Consciously and subconsciously, you start to think negatively about yourself because, you know, I promised me, I promised myself I was gonna do this and I've let myself down. And so as I started to really think about that, it really resonated with me. And it, it makes a lot of sense to me. I've talked to several people about it and they're like, oh my gosh, that's like revolutionary. It's so simple, but it seems so, so revolutionary. So that's the Mr. Biz tip of this week tip of the week this week. Don't break promises that you make to yourself. You shouldn't break promises at all as, as much as you can, but especially ones to yourself, because that will erode your self-confidence.

(11:48):

All right, this, we're gonna talk with we're talking this week more with Dr. Vicki Matthews. You can find out more at www.drvickimatthews.com That's her website. Check out her book, "The Five Elements of Relationships, how to Get Along With Anyone, anytime, any place". And she's gonna give us some tips around that without giving away the secret sauce during the second segment. But if you would, Dr. Matthews, talk to me a little bit about how you work with people now. How do you help people now maybe some anecdotes on someone came to me and had this problem and, you know, with obviously without, you know, protecting privacy and et cetera, but

(12:20):

Right, right. And that's, that's my book is full of anecdotes and and lots of the details have been switched around a little bit Exactly. To protect privacy, but sure, there are some, i i, I do have some favorite stories from, from the wars, if you will. One of them is a, a father that came in to work with me. He had been a, a college football star, and he came in and said he, his concern was he was raising a wimpy kid. I'm like a wimpy kid. What, what's wimpy about your kid? Well, he doesn't wanna play football. I mean, he doesn't wanna play football. I what kid? What boy does not wanna play football? So we, we've had a good long talk and I, he, I, he brought his son in. I talked with his son and I, this goes back to the idea that we all have individual personalities and personality styles that are outlined in my book.

(13:07):

And it's based off of the five element model, as I mentioned earlier. So the, a water personality would be kind of wintery, inner directed creative wood personality. That's the dad, make it happen. Go for it. Outgoing. A fire personality would be fun. Playful loves talking in front of big groups of people. The earth personality will be nurturing and caregiving and loving family and home. And the metal personality, which sits at the end of the cycle, is able to look back and discern wisdom. You know, this worked, we're gonna take that into the next cycle. This did not work. Forget about it. And those, those personalities are like a tinted window that we look through. You know, we each have all five, but one is primary. And that was what this father didn't get, that he had a primary personality that he himself expressed that was wood.

(13:57):

It was football, it was make being a star. It was making things happen. And his son was not wired the same way. <Laugh>, his son was a water personality. That's creativity, that's inter directed. The son loved reading. And the fight that brought them into the office was that the dad wanted to give his kid the football, and the kid wanted a camera. And once the dad really got that, you can't look at your children and say they're mini mes, they aren't gonna be mini yous. They're coming in with their own personalities, their own desires, their own goals in life. Once his dad got that. And then could I could say, so he, let me describe your, your son's personality to you. He will want to read books. Well, yeah, yeah. He read all the time. I mean, we, he really started getting that. Yeah. His kid was different.

(14:41):

And so then it was like, well, well what do I do with him? He doesn't wanna play football. What do I do? It's like, buy him the camera he wants. And to this guy's credit, he went out and he bought a camera for the, the kid and a camera for himself. And they went and they took photos together. And that was how they bonded. They, you know, when the kid got older, he'd begrudgingly threw the football with his dad a couple times. But really what made the difference was his dad understanding that his kid was wired differently and what that meant and what that kid wanted. And today, that little boy's grown up and he's a professional photographer.

(15:16):

Oh, wow. So that's big success story.

(15:19):

It is, it is. And then I've got you know, parenting is a great place for this system because, I mean, I had a mom who came in and was upset because her daughter, they threw a big, they threw a big birthday party for their daughter, and she didn't have a good time because she wasn't, didn't have that fiery energy. She would've been much happier with a group of two or three friends and go see a movie. I had another mom who was really an earth personality, somebody that likes family and cooking and all that. And she was devastated. Her daughter didn't wanna learn how to cook. And she's like, she's, she's like, what? There's a McDonald's or there's Starbucks or whatever. I don't need to know how to cook. Yeah. And, and, but she loved playing with friends. So she had that fire personality of the more girlfriends she had over the better.

(16:01):

And so I, that's something that's really made a difference in people's relationships, is the ability to understand each other. I mean, it certainly, it saved my marriage. I mean, that's another, another whole story is, is coming to, for me to understand that my husband wa is into precision. He's into the right way to do something. And I'm more of a wood personality. Like, let's just go do it. I mean, a, a really good example is the day after Christmas and a house that we used to own, I want to knock a wall out. It's like, this room's too small. There's a room over there we're not using, let's knock the wall out. And my very wise husband looked at me and said, you're joking. There is a Christmas tree right next to that wall. There are hundreds of ornaments and there will be plaster dust everywhere that you'll have to dust off.

(16:42):

Are you sure you want to knock that wall out right now? And of course, he was totally right. Yeah. And we, you know, waited a week or so, and then we knocked the wall out when the tree was down. So there's value in all of these different personalities that I, I go into great detail in my book, but once we understand it, it's like, I could look at my husband and say, this is not really an anal retentive guy. This is a guy that really honors process and protocol. And he's learned because make things happen is important to me. Don't tell me no, don't say no, we can't do that. He's learned to say, this isn't a good time, but maybe next month so that I can keep the perception, at least for myself, the idea that I'm moving forward.

(17:21):

Yeah, I love that. And I could see, and, and even as you were saying that I'm thinking about me and Mrs. Biz, and we, our personality differences are, I don't know enough about your five elements to know which one each of us are predominantly mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, but I know we're different. We just had this conversa, literally

(17:38):

On my website, there's a quiz on my website to help you under determine what your element

(17:42):

Is. And that's www.drvickimatthews.com by the way. Yeah. Go out and checked that out. And I will definitely check that out because we just had this, it wasn't a disagreement or anything, not even an argument or anything like that. But she literally, and I'm, I'm sure you hear these words all the time, <laugh>, we were talking about something and we had both. It was her idea. And we set a goal and we're several days into the goal and she's fallen off the wagon of the goal. Ooh. And I'm a goal guy. Yes. And I told her when she made, I said, if we're gonna do this together, I'm going to hold you accountable and I want you to hold me accountable. So as I attempted to, and I thought nicely hold her accountable to the goal, she said, I'm, she turned around very frustrated.

(18:24):

She listened to me. She was with her back to me, by the way. Which is a whole nother non-verbal, right. <Laugh>, you turned around. Yeah. You're laughing cuz you're like, I, I know this. She turned around and she said, she said, guess what? I'm not you. And I'm like, if she was right that you're, you're a hundred percent right, honey, you are not me. I said, I thought we talked through this, but okay. And I said, let's just put this on pause, we'll talk about it later. I thought through things a little bit. She thought, thought through things. And I think similar to what you and your husband did with knocking down the wall, it kind of came to a compromise on, on those types of things. But it, it, I mean, there's a very big difference between the two of us on things like that. For sure. Again, we're talking this week with Dr. Vicki Matthews. You can find out more. www.drvickimatthews.com. Come back and she's gonna give us some tips on how to get along with anyone. Any one place, anytime.

(19:12):

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(19:42):

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(20:13):

Check out all three of Mr. Business best-selling books at https://mrbizbooks.com/. Now, once again, here's Mr. Biz.

(20:22):

All right, welcome back to the show again. We're talking this week with Dr. Vicki Matthews. You can find out more at www.drvickimatthews.com and check out her book, "The Five Elements of Relationships, how Get Along With Anyone Anytime in a Place". And as she mentioned during the last segment, she has a free quiz on her website at www.drvickimatthews.com. And I, I know based on what we just talked about in the last segment, I will be taking it <laugh> because I think it'll be very interesting to see. I'm always fascinated by things like this and I think, you know, as, as, and maybe this is crossing paths or whatever, but for me, a lot of this is about emotional quotient and learning how to deal with people and different types of personalities. And, you know Dr. Matthews, I always, I'm a sports guy, so I always use this analogy.

(21:08):

I always try to bring sports into the analogy cause that's what I understand pretty well. But, you know, you have a coach and let's say football, keep it really simple. And there's a coach and he's really good at coaching a team to run the ball all the time. But he gets a team and they don't have any good runners. They only have good passers mm-hmm. <Affirmative>. But he says, we're running the ball. This is what, this is what I do. I run the ball, run the ball, run the ball. Right. That to me, that guy's a crappy coach. Like you gotta adjust and adapt and until you get the personality, you can run what you wanna run or anything. But that happens so often, and I think it is correlated. And is is very fa connected to what you're trying, you're talking about is getting along with people and reading people and figuring out the different personalities and things like that. Yes. What are some things that we can do I know a lot of this stuff's in your book, but I don't want you to give away too much of the secret sauce, but what are some things that we can do as even not as business owners, but just as people, right. In your, in our relationships, all forms of relationships, what are some things we can do to, to get along with people anytime, any place, anywhere?

(22:10):

Well, I think first and foremost, you need to understand yourself. I I think you need to know what are you good at? Don't, don't agree to do something that you know you're gonna fail at or that you're not gonna be good at. You're not gonna bring your best self. So first and foremost, understand yourself. And the quiz will help reading about what elemental personality you have once you under determine what it is, will help. Because we all come in with things that we love to do, what we hate to do, what matters to us. What, what, how do we express ourselves? And those will differ by what elemental personality we have. So I think understanding ourselves and then take a stab at understanding the people you're working with or that you're living with, or that you're raising. If you can understand them. I mean, for example, we talked about water, wood, fire, earth, and metal as the, the, the three personal or the five personality types.

(23:01):

Well, water people love free time. They love deep discussions, they love reading fire. People like parties, they like attention. They like being busy earth people like helping people. They like families and food and friends, medals like understanding. They like to make sure things work and understanding it and being right and would, as I mentioned, likes challenges and being accomplishment driven. So if you know that you are interacting, that you, in fact, let's even blow your mind more here. We can predict how they're going to relate. We can tell you how a water person is going to work out with a wood person because this is based on nature and what happens in nature. Water feeds wood. So we can predict that a water relationship with a wood person is going to feel very good to the wood, feel like the water will be supporting them.

(23:54):

But what happens in nature with water and fire, well, water puts out fire. So a water fire relationship is probably not gonna feel quite that nurturing to the fire person, but it could be exactly what they need because fire people tend to get really excited and not going, and they go, go, go. And they burn themselves out quite literally. So having someone that says, you know, I think it might be time for a nice quiet evening at home, as boring as that might sound to the sound of the fire person, it's probably exactly what they need. So that's the other thing that I think is really cool about the system is that not only does it help us understand ourselves and the people in our lives, but it also tells us where the high points and the low points might be. And I think that's, that's a key to, to getting along with people is understanding yourself what you need and what what you're good at.

(24:41):

And, and less so understanding the people that you're relating to and what they might need and, and understanding how you're going to impact them. A a wood person to a fire person is not gonna necessarily feel real good to the fire person. I mean to the wood person mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, cuz the fire's gonna burn that. But sometimes that's exactly, that gets you off the mark, you know, that gets you excited, that gets you moving. So they're all good together, but the understanding is huge. It's really, really huge. So I, I would say that's probably the biggest thing is go into any relationship, whether it's going to your office manager and going, why in God's name? Do you always bring cookies? We are all on diets. We do not need more cookies. Well, this is, this happens to be an earth person. And one of the ways they express love and caring or support or feel valuable is by offering sweets.

(25:32):

So rather than go in and say, come on, for God's sakes, Ethel, stop bringing the cookies, you're gonna hurt their feelings. And you're, you're, you're degrading who and what they are. Yeah. So if they want, if you, if they want to bring food or that that's their contribution, ask for more healthy things. I mean, it's, it's, it's just that little tiny bit of understanding of what motivates somebody. What what matters to them, what they'll be good at. For god's sake. Do not hire a metal to be the receptionist at a company. They don't like talking to people. They're not gonna be helpful. They may know a ton, but they express that knowledge in ways that are not chatty with people coming in the door. So that's, that's another I, I mean I, I actually have one client who gives this personality quiz to everybody before they hire them so that they know exactly who they're bringing in, what they'll be good at, and will they meet the need in the position that they're being asked to fill. And, and then also they also work with it in, if two people are having trouble, are they working? Is it a, is it a a wood fire issue? Is it a water wood? You know, are they helping each other? Is the water feeding the wood? Or is the water putting out the fire? You know, is that a dynamic there? So I think those kinds of things, as silly as they may sound, they're really in-depth understanding that can come from that and help make every relationship work better.

(26:52):

I I agree with that a thousand percent. I saw that in a corporate world when I worked at JP Morgan. I saw it way too often that someone just because they got hired into the wrong job. Right. Absolutely. So, like you said, a metal person being a receptionist, they might be super not, they might be a great employee, strong work ethic great character loyalty, but they're just not good at what you're asking them to do. Yes. And then they end up getting fired. Yes. Or terminate. And it's like, no, they're a good resource, just not in the seat that they're in. Right. Get the right person in the right seat. Right. Get them into a job that they can do be really good at. Now if they're crappy and they show up late all the time and they got a crappy

(27:30):

Right. There's certain things, yes.

(27:31):

That's a whole different thing. Right, right. But if they're, they're, they're a good person and they have character, loyalty, work ethic, let's find the right seat. What are they good at? What are they passionate about? What, Hey, we put you in this job, miss, miss, miss or Mr. Metal person. Right. And to be receptionist, what do you not like about it? Oh, I don't like dealing with people. Okay.

(27:50):

Wrong job, <laugh>.

(27:51):

Yeah,

(27:52):

Yeah. Right, right, right, right. Or remember the old saying, when you're, when you're not the lead dog, the view never changes. Right.

(27:58):

<Laugh>

(27:59):

Would, people are the lead dogs. If you need people to make things happen for you, you wanna hire people that have a lot of wood energy, cuz that's exactly what they do.

(28:08):

Yeah. And, and look, when I was hiring people, it's, it's very important to see, and I had much simpler terms, but, and it's, someone even told me at one point, they're like, this sounds degrading. I said, you know, you need lunch pale people. And I don't mean that in a degrading way. I mean, and I, again, sports, I would say, you know what, when, when I'm on a ba I have a basketball team, not, there's only one basketball. Not everyone can shoot it every time down the floor. I need someone who's gonna play defense and rebound. Yep. Those people are just as valuable as the person, the guy or the girl who's gonna take the shot.

(28:40):

Sometimes more valuable.

(28:42):

Right. Right. Yep. But if you have

(28:44):

Everybody, and, and that's the thing about this system. Everybody's valuable. You need all of it. It's just understanding it so that you are relating in a way that works for both of you.

(28:53):

Yeah, absolutely, man. I'll tell you, this is, this is absolutely fascinating stuff. Again, Dr. Vicki Matthews, you can find out more at www.drvickimatthews.com. Check out her book, "The Five Elements of Relationships, How to Get Along With Anyone, Anytime, Any Place". And

(29:09):

If they go to www.drvickimatthews.com/get-along-now, there's a free little booklet that describes this more.

(29:15):

Perfect. Get along now.com. All right. Awesome. Well go out and check out our website. Go to www.drvickimatthews.com/get-along-now. Dr. Matthews, I really appreciate you being on the show. This was awesome.

(29:27):

I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for having me.

(29:29):

Yeah, absolutely guys. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Have a fantastic week. And don't forget, as always, Cash Flow is King

(29:40):

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