How the Bounce Back Formula Can Help You Build Resilience

How the Bounce Back Formula Can Help You Build Resilience

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Mr. Biz Radio: How the Bounce Back Formula Can Help You Build Resilience

Unedited transcription of the show is included below:


Welcome to Mr. Biz radio, Biz. Talk for Biz owners. If you're ready to stop faking the funk and take your business onward and upward, this show is for you. And now here's Mr. Biz, Ken Wentworth.


All right, welcome to another episode of Mr. Biz with me, Mr. Biz Ken Wentworth. And we're gonna hit another topic this week that hits each and every one of you. Again, I know the most of our audience are entrepreneurs or business owners, but we have a lot of people in the corporate world as well that listen and, and watch the show. And, um, it doesn't matter what walk of life you're from, it doesn't matter what industry you're in. It doesn't matter if you're an entrepreneur, business owner, corporate, stay at home mom, stay at home, dad, doesn't matter. The topic we're gonna cover this week with an absolute expert, of course, is how to build resilience. Everyone has this, and I, I've talked about this on the show a bunch of times over the years, but it doesn't matter how smart you are. Doesn't matter how strong you are, it doesn't matter how, who, you know, it doesn't matter how rich you are.


Life's going to, life's gonna knock you down. You have to have resilience. I I caught all the time. Consistent perseverance. You have to have consistent perseverance. And a, a big part of that. The large part of that is building resistance. I'm sorry, not resistance. Resilience. Geez, Louise. Got my Rs wrong. So this week we're talking with Renaye Thornborrow. She is a leading worldwide. She's leading a worldwide movement to bring life coaching to kids since 2013, her company has certified hundreds of coaches in over 30 countries, helping them create a business they love as a life coach for kids, while empowering children around the world. Life coaching is a game changer for children as they learn how to build confidence, resilience and mindset skills for life. And it is a game changer for coaches as they increase their impact and income while doing their work in the world serving kids. Renaye is a personal development expert member of the International Coaches Federation, and a former three year, three year board member of the Association of Coach Training organization, a cto. She is a retired corporate marketing executive and the proud mother of 20 year old twins. Oh boy. I bet you got a lot of good stories with that. Renaye <laugh>. So Renee, welcome to Mr. Biz Radio.


Thanks for having me, Ken.


Yeah, I'm, I'm excited to talk to you. I know it's been, uh, a few months back since we kind of connected and I'm like, oh my gosh. Uh, if I remember correctly, when we were talking, you started to tell me about what you do, and I go, stop. I don't need to hear anymore. <laugh>. Email me. We'll get you a link and we gotta get you on the show. Um, we were just booked out a little bit far. Um, but I'm excited to have you on the show to talk about this, you know, that being said, and with some of your bio, you know, tell us a little bit about the, your journey, your entrepreneurial journey that you had.


Oh, I'd love to share that, Ken. I mean, the, the seed for me was planted many years ago, decades ago when I first graduated from college. And Ken, I discovered the world of personal development. And I remember thinking to myself, you know, why didn't I learn this when I was a kid? You know, it made no sense to me that the personal development world and the life coaching world focuses on grownups when those core thoughts and beliefs that shape who we are and what we think is possible for our lives are formed when we're really young. And I knew that, you know, if I ever had kids, I wanted them to learn this. But over the years, I became an expert personal development. I used the work to build a very successful corporate career, a happy, fulfilling marriage and relationships. And when I finally did have children, and they were about four or five, and I started looking for something to help me help them learn how to develop mindset skills cuz it's all about how we think, right?


I couldn't find anything out there. You know, there was plenty can on how to get my kids to behave. Few things on character development, nothing on mindset development. And I started working with my kids on my own. And sometimes it seemed a little lecture or boring, and I didn't want my kids rolling their eyes every time I opened my mouth. So what I did was I started writing stories and that was really when the magic happened, because they loved the stories, but more important, they were learning these concepts. And from there, this vision just started to grow that I wanted to bring this work to more kids, to families and to parents. And at the time I was vice president of marketing for a company here in Austin, you know, very successful career, love my job, my team with the company did for span and grade income.


But I kept having this pull to bring this type of work to the world. And I finally decided I'm gonna make this happen. Transitioned out, retired from the corporate world after about 25 years of all kinds of journeys, and, uh, created adventures and wisdom. And this was back in 2010. And I was fortunate enough to be able to take almost a year off to finish out the curriculum. And when I launched my business, it was home study program for parents to use with their own children. But what happened was, is I had coaches, counselors, therapists, educators coming to me, wanting to use my work in their own business. I thought, well, that's a great idea. I knew they'd be able to reach children, I would never be able to reach. And so we focused on, I created a certification program, we really focused on that.


I'm just so honored that for the last 10 years we've certified many hundreds of coaches in over 30 countries. They're using my story based curriculum and whole program and we've got business side of things, coaching side of things in their own businesses. And now they're really transforming the lives of children and families. So that's, that's been the journey and there's been all kinds of ups and downs and, and testing and rebuilding and building resilience for sure. I, I think that, uh, I think that being an entrepreneur is probably one of the biggest personal development journeys. You can go on that and being a parent <laugh>,


That's that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, I, I have to ask you, Renaye, so I went through a similar type of situation in regards to my corporate career, um, loved it and all that stuff, and, but had a pool, same sort of thing. Was there like one thing or was it a culmination of events that you finally said, okay, this is it. I'm, I'm leaving the, the corporate world, I'm gonna go do my own thing?


There were actually, there was a very defining moment, and you know, like most people in January is I like to kinda revisit my vision and I realized in, I think it was in 2019, I had written down almost exactly what I had the year before. Because at the time, you know, full-time corporate career, at the time, my kids, I think they were about seven maybe, you know, so all their activities plus, you know, wife and household and all the things that we have in life, right? And I was writing stories and doing things like on the weekend for a couple hours early in the morning for everybody got up, but I just wasn't making the progress. And in the meantime, my kids were getting older and I'm like, it's time I get to go do this. And so I of course worked with my husband, put together plan, transitioned out of the, the corporate job, and it went part-time with them to kind of help transition.


I didn't wanna just drop them, but, and created the business. So it, it was kind of a defining moment. I really remember saying, sitting there and, you know, there were, uh, cuss words involved saying, what am I doing? You know, what am I doing? And, and yet the irony of that again is that this is personal development work, right? It's our goals, it's what we achieve, it's our visualization is all of that. I was, wasn't living it. I wasn't living what I wanted to be teaching to my own children and in my own life. And so the, you know, put my foot down and we made it happen.


Yeah. Lots of irony there, uh, with that situation. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's interesting. And I always, especially when people have that type of transition, I always like to ask that question because, you know, we have a lot of people who listen to the show and who watch the show who are in that, they're entrepreneurs. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, they're in that space. Yeah. They're in the corporate and they, they're just like, mm, I want, I have things I want to do. I have a passion I want to pursue. Yeah. But they just, they, they haven't quite got there to take the leap mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and yeah, it's a huge step. Um, and especially, you know, I was in a similar situation than you that I'd been in my corporate career for, you know, 20 plus years. And at that point, if you've had some success in your career, you know, monetarily things are pretty good and all that kind of stuff. So that's another thing that's difficult to step away from and go from here to zero and let's build this thing. So definitely makes it difficult.


It, it is, it's not just a matter of snap decision. And, you know, for a lot of people who really are wanting to make a change, you know, what can you do with what you have and where you are? What steps can you take? And for example, for our coaches, we're helping them become life coaches for kids. A lot of 'em are educators, um, that are wanting to either transition outta the classroom or maybe just generate some extra income. And most will start part-time. And there's nothing wrong with that. You know, you don't, you don't have to necessarily drop everything and go full time. Start taking steps towards your dreams and your goals and be in, be in action cuz that's gonna attract more to you.


Yeah, no, totally makes sense. Hey guys, we're gonna hit a break. We'll come back with Renaye Thornborrow.


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All right, welcome back to the show. And as time, as always, for the Mr. Biz tip of the week. This week and this week, it is a quote from one of my absolute favorite people to follow on social media. Um, she's amazing. Her husband's amazing. I'm actually, um, right before we started the show here, I was in, I'm part of his inner circle group, uh, Jesse Itzer, the quote this week is from his wife though Sarah Blakely, who, uh, was until, I don't follow the Kardashians, but whatever one of the Kardashians became. Sarah was the youngest self-made female billionaire until, uh, one of the Kardashians, I don't know which one it was, got there before, uh, a little bit younger than Sarah did. But, um, the quote this week, and this is amazing. She has a great story behind this. I've heard her speak several times, and the quote is, go ahead, make mistakes.


The worst thing that can happen is you become memorable. And if any of you follow Sarah on, on social media, you'll know she lives this Andre, every single day. She, if you met her on the street, I'm very confident you would never know that she was as wealthy as she is and has had much success. She's just so down to earth. And, um, you know, she, she shares these stories that, you know, she's dropping her kids off at school. And here she is, you know, this founder of Spanx billionaire woman. And she's in line. She got to school one particular story real quick. She gets to to school and she does a video on her Instagram stories. And she says, guys, you won't believe this. And she shows herself, she has no makeup on her hair's a wreck. And she pans down, she has on pajamas and fuzzy slippers.


And she said, I got here to school. We're two minutes late. And she shows the thing and she, it's 8 0 2. She said, if I get here after eight, I have to walk him into school and sign him in. She said, so I have to walk into school like this, <laugh>. So it's an example of how she shares these stories. And so that's what she says, you know, don't be afraid to make mistakes. You become memorable. And she tells a story about how when she was a young kid and around the dinner table, they would, the dad, her dad would ask her and her brother, what did you fail at today? What did, what were you not successful at? And if they didn't have a story to tell, he would say, you need to try some new things. Right? You have to fail at some things to figure out, a, what you're good at, b, what you're not good at. And to, oddly enough, tagging right in and segue, build resilience.


Resilience. Absolutely. Yep.


Yeah. So, so it is perfect that we're talking with Renaye about this. Um, so Renaye, so that's a Mr Biz of the week, this week, uh, quote from Sarah Blakely. Love her, uh, definitely suggests following her on, on social media. Um, so when we get into the third segment, Renee's gonna give us some tips on how to build resilience. Um, not only, you know, obviously she works a lot with children, but a lot of these things, you know, work for us adults as well, all of that. But before we get into all that, I wanna talk a little bit about what you do with adventures and wisdom so you can find out more on, on Renaye's website So let's talk a little bit specifically about your bounce back formula. Tell us what that is and, and sort of how that works.


Yeah, so our bounce back formula is about building resilience. So you wanna cover that now?


Uh, well, I don't wanna be we secret sauce just yet. Uh, well actually, you know what, let's, let's get into it. Cause it's gonna take a lot of talk through and you know,


We can certainly do that and then we can get into whatever we get into after that. Yes, yeah, absolutely. Let's do it. So, you know, I love what you were sharing about the, the making mistakes, because that's just one of those things so important for children to learn is how to bounce back from mistakes and disappointments of life. Um, you know, our curriculum, we teach 27 different mindset skills to children. And then in what we call our slaying dragons segment, we cover managing mistakes, moving through fear, bouncing back from disappointment and failure. And so it's all part of the building resilience. We spend a lot of time on it and the mindset around it because it's that critical. And I think that resilience is one of the things that's really missing for a lot of children because a lot, a lot of adults, quite frankly, don't have skills for bouncing back either.


And mm-hmm <affirmative>, it's really important to understand that we aren't what happens to us in our lives. But, so with the bounce back formula, let's talk a little bit about it, about resilience. So the, I think the mistake that most people make, Ken, is they, they think that life is going to be this, this trajectory of straight up, you know, that they start off in life, everything's going uphill on this climb to success, and it's a nice smooth line. But in reality with success, it's more like this rollercoaster. It's up and down and sometimes it's backwards and sometimes it's loopy and sometimes you might even toss your cookies along the way. I mean, it is just not the straight line. And I think that just realizing that straight off the bat is really important and it gets into the whole enjoying the journey. And with a rollercoaster, you know, we can be clenching onto the railings with white knuckling it, or we can have our hands up in the air yelling, Woohoo, let's just go.


And I'll tell you, I think I spend half my time with one hand Lynch to the other one going, okay, I'm supposed to, Woohoo. So yeah, I will say I've got this whole thing solved, but it's really important, um, Ken, to understand kind of the brain science behind resilience and brain science is what we teach children too. We want them to understand why these mindset skills work, because then they'll have confidence that they work for themselves as well. So the first thing we need to do, whenever something happens and we have one of those op moments in life, what happens is, is we leave the frontal lobes of our brain and we go into our amygdala. That's our fight or flight. And then we can't think clearly. I mean, it's one of the reasons why we might panic or curl up in a ball. And what the first thing we need to do is we need to move ourselves back into the frontal lobes of our brain.


So I call that reset. There's gonna be five Rs we're gonna go through. So the first thing we need to do is reset the brain. And so we're going from the amygdala back into our frontal lobe so that we can think clearly. And one thing that everybody can do is they can put their hand on their heart and they take five really slow, deep breaths cuz this is going to evoke the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm down the body and helps move us back into our frontal lobes. And sometimes depending on how bad the moment was or whatever happened, you know, it might take multiple rounds of that. And then there are other things that we can do too. You know, for some people phone a friend journaling, going for an ex exercise, you know, whatever it is that helps you, you kind of navigate and reset your brain.


It's like, okay, this happened. We have to get back into our frontal lobes so that we can be ready to face this situation. So then the next r what we need to do is reframe the situation, reframe what has happened. And reframing is all about how we think about something at adventures and wisdom. We call it wearing our power goggles. So if you think about it, Ken, every event in life is neutral. We define what that event means based on how we think about it as either a negative experience or as a positive experience. So for example, entrepreneurs who are listening and business owners, let's say you have a failed launch and for some people failed launch the event is, oh my God, I don't know how to do this. I can't be successful in business, I'm gonna close up shop. It'll say, someone's just starting out, or it's like, oh my God, this totally sucks.


You know, go through all this stuff. This step one, it's like a, what can I learn from this? You know, where can I get help? Is there someone I can hire to, to do this for me? Or can I partner with some, you know, looking to start solving that problem? So you really want to reframe that. And with children, we call this putting on your power goggles. And we will actually have an exercise for them where we will give them different scenarios. And first they will experience the scenario. So for example, failing a test, they'll put on their victim goggles first and they'll experience that from a victim standpoint. Fail to test, oh God, I'm a failure, I'm, I'm never gonna be, you know, it's, it brings down self-esteem. But then they put on their power goggles be like, oh, fail to test. Maybe I need to study harder next time.


Maybe I can ask the teacher for extra credit. It helps 'em move forward feeling more empowered. And for us grownups, I'm always saying put on your power goggles. I'm always telling myself, put on your power goggles too, because our thoughts shape our experiences. But as human beings we get to shape our thoughts and that really is the beauty of it. So I know we're about to go to break here in just a second. So the first thing we do, you'll reset our brain reframe and then maybe we can come the next three when we, when we come back here in a minute. Any question about that part? Yeah,


No, it's, it's great. So I've got, I I was feverishly taking down notes cause I know we're gonna hit a break here. And I wanted to make sure that I've got, I've got a couple some things I want to relate to what you've already covered with the first two Rs, with the reset and reframe. I'm looking forward to hearing the other three though. So come back after the break. We're talking with RenayeThornborrow on Mr. Biz Radio.


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All right, welcome back to the show. We're talking again this week with Mrs. Renaye Thornborrow. You can find out more on her website, And also, I should have mentioned this earlier, definitely follow her on social media, on Facebook, LinkedIn, by her name, but on Facebook. And, uh, she has a YouTube channel and both of those are adventures and wisdom as well. And then of course on LinkedIn with, uh, Renaye Thornborrow. Uh, so Renaye, uh, gosh, even just the first two rs you covered. Like, um, you know, the resilience part, and this is gonna be a little bit maybe grouchy old man comment here, but when you talked about, you know, children not having that resilience, I feel like a lot of kids and it seems to be getting worse, but that's my grouchy old man part, is that they get coddled so much and so they don't, they're not able to, you know, you try to, and I get it as a parent, you try to protect your kids, but it's, I I told my kids this.


I said, I want you, while you're growing up to skin your knees a lot, I don't want you to break your leg. Yeah. But I want you to skin your knees so that way you learn what it feels like to skin your knees, you know, metaphorically, of course. And you learn how to deal with those things while I'm here to help you. So then when you're out on your own and you skin your knee, you know how to deal with getting your knee skin or failing a test or whatever it might be, and you know, this whole again, grouchy old man, everyone gets a trophy thing. Like, oh my gosh, it just drives me of bonkers. But, um, you know, and everyone failing, you said that the trajectory, you know, I talk about my, my last book I talk about Elon Musk. Everyone knows Elon Musk is, you know, the wealthiest guy in the world. Little eccentric, little crazy. A lot of people don't realize he was actually kicked out of two, not one, but two companies that he founded. He founded the company and then they were like, get out.


I didn't know that,


Right? No, because you only hear a success. You only hear like the Instagram version of the story, right? You don't hear, like you said, those that rollercoaster, uh, the one hand gripping and the one hand woo hooing, right? As you said, um, you know, the resetting, I love what you said about the breaths. I, you know, I develop something, I call it seven seventy seven. If I feel anxious, if I feel nervous, if I feel angry, any emotion, I inhale for seven seconds, very slow inhale for seven seconds. I hold it for seven, and then I exhale it very slowly for seven seconds. And like you said, sometimes it takes multiple, right? But if I do that, usually if I do that, I could be super angry. And if I do that, even just twice, it just, it, it's just such a calming effect on any emotion.


Um, so I love that. And then the other thing you mentioned about the reframing of, you know, you fail a test or you're having a bad day or whatever. I just heard a guy, uh, Brad Lee talk about this. And he said, I wake up and here's what he said, this is a game changer for me. And he said, it took me 20 years to realize this. He said, I wake up. And he said, this sounds super cheesy. The first thing I tell myself is, today is a great day. Not it's going to be. He said, it is a great day. Now the question is, how great of a day is it gonna be, right? On a scale of one to 10, it might be a three, may end up being a three, which is not necessarily great. It's not that great, but it's still great because I got, I got up today, I got another day to do my thing, right? And so I think that is another version of the reframing that you're talking about is, you know, just starting the day with today is a great day. I got another day on earth. This is a great day. You know,


Well, it's setting our intention. And when we set our intention, it's the lenses through which we're seeing the world. It's our power goggles, right? We're seeing the world empowered in creating a great, great day. And that's what we're telling our brain. It's actually called the particular activating system in our brain. We're telling our brain that this is what we want to create is a great day. And so we're gonna look for reasons why we're gonna have a great day. Yeah. And again, it's part of the brain science, which actually gets sent to that third step, which is remapping. It's rema how you're gonna get to where you're going whenever you've had that big disappointment. And the first thing we do is we need to reexamine our why. And let's say this is like a big disappointment, like a failed launch, you know, your new in business or something like that.


And it's one of the reasons why vision boards are so powerful is because it gives us this front and center reason as to why we're going forward and, and making sure this is still something that's important to us. And if so, then we're remapping. What are our steps gonna be to get there? So we thought the path was gonna be like this. Well, we had a loop in our rollercoaster. Now the ma the we're gonna remap the path that's gonna look a little different, but we can still get there. It's just gonna be a little bit different Wait to get there. So that was the next one that we do. And then we need to reprogram, that's the fourth R. We have to reprogram our brain and set ourselves up for success. That's all about building the connections in our brain called neural pathways, which will help us experience the success and create the success.


And that's why visualization affirmations and positive self-talk are so critical because that what we're doing is we are ingrained or are strengthening those neural pathways in our brain. So it becomes our normal way of thinking that this is what it's going to be. We need to expect it to work for us, expect success, expect great thi expect that great day because that's how we're gonna create it. And reprogramming our brain using those skills, those mindset skills is the key. In fact, you know, Ken, positive self talk is something that runs across everything that we teach from resilience to confidence, to self-esteem, to self leadership. And it, it's actually a free coaching story we give away on our website. And I think that you were gonna share a link to that too. So if anyone's interested in learning more about what does this all about, go get a story about how to build positive self talk works for us grownups too, because that's gonna help you on that fourth r where you reprogram your brain to be out there and be successful.


And then the fifth R is restart. And that means to get into action. And you know, when something really bad happens, it's okay to have a pity party. Just make it short, make it little, you know, it's important for us to feeling our feel, our feelings, because what we resist does persist. So if we allow ourselves to feel those feelings, we allow that part of our brain that's afraid to be heard and to voice their opinion. And then we start working on shifting our thinking so that reframing we work on reprogramming and what our, our new map is going to be, then we help calm that part of our brain down so that we can be in action moving forward. Because the only way to move through fear is to be in action, is to to go for it. And versus sitting there, you know, lick our wounds. So those are the, the, the five R's for bounce or bounce back formula for building that resilience.


Yeah. So reset, reframe, remap, reprogram, restart.


You Got It


Uh, I love it. I love it. And, uh, so that this proves you that I am taking copious amounts of notes here, Renee, great. Good




I'm like, selfishly I learn from all the guests too. So a lot of times with guests I'm like, oh, this is gonna be great. I'm gonna learn so much from this. Um, so I love it. Um, yeah, I, I think, you know, it's the, but the positive self-talk is so important, especially with kids, right? Yeah. Because I think, like you had mentioned earlier in the show, you start, you learn those things when you're young. And if you start to have the, if your normal go-to is negative self-talk, I mean, you're just fighting an uphill battle every single day. And as you mentioned, you start to look for things that fit that paradigm. I talk that all the time. And my kid, my kids are probably so sick of me saying the word paradigm and you know, they'll, they're upset with one of their friends and they'll say, oh, you know, well she did this or she did.


I'm like, well that's cuz you're mad at her because of something she said three days ago. And so you're only looking for things that fit. I'm mad at her and she's a bad person, or he's a bad person or whatever. Instead of that happened three days ago, they apologized, it's done and over with. That's a rear view mirror. Let's look through the windshield, right? And forget about the rear view mirror. And again, goes into, uh, maybe a little bit of remapping, but also the reprogramming like you had mentioned mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, re starting to think about things in a different way. And, and, and that positive self-talk I think is a huge part of that.


It really is. It really is. It, it's the key because like you were saying, the earlier children start learning and developing this habit, and we actually take them through exercises to start practic practicing this multiple times on a daily basis because we want to build those neural pathways where they're so strong that positive self-talk is their default way of thinking. It's their habit. And that's gonna support them in their self-esteem, in their confidence, in resilience, in going for their goals. In all it shapes everything in our lives. And I remember when I first discovered self-talk outta college, how many thoughts of fear and worry went through my head? I was shocked cuz I wasn't even aware of it. Right? And now what we're doing is we're shining the light and say, not only are we shining the light, here's your path to go be empowered.


Yeah. Yes. I love it. I love it. I love the five Rs. I, I, I like having a list that I can follow right steps and uh, I love it. So again, we're talking this this week with Renaye Thornborrow, , you can find out more at her website, Again, follow her on adventures and wisdom on Facebook and YouTube as well as follow Renaye on LinkedIn. Renaye, thank you so much for coming on the show. Absolutely loved having you. Great, great insight.


Thanks for having Ken. Everybody bounce back.


That's right. That's right. Use that bounce back for the five Rs.


Woohoo on the rollercoaster. That's right.


<laugh> both hands off. Both hands off. Yes guys, thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Depending on how you're consuming our content. Um, have a great week as always. And don't forget, cash Flow is king


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